Saturday, October 5, 2019

The Queen's Secret

Queen Elizabeth II
Wikimedia Commons 
The queen of England is liked by people all over the world - many people here in America like her better than we like our own leaders. Would we like her the same if the rumors about her are true? What rumors, you ask? Oh, just the ones about her favorite... snacks. Rumor has it that the queen likes British cuisine in the most literal sense--that is, human flesh. That's right, some people think sweet, grandmotherly, 93-year-old Queen Elizabeth is a cannibal.

Before you get ready to behead anyone who would dare think such a thought about her, let's look at how this all got started. Hubert Humdinger, who is described as a "cultural philosopher," supposedly stated in 1973 that he believed Elizabeth stays so young and vibrant by eating human flesh, citing its "immense spiritual energy."¹ But this is not the only instance of Elizabeth being accused of cannibalism. The story goes that a serviceman at Windsor Castle was investigating an electrical issue when he checked the queen's personal freezer and got more than he bargained for. What greeted him were sections of limbs and other body parts. He allegedly brought the situation to the attention of law enforcement, but with the queen's immunity, nothing was done.²


Portrait of King Charles II of England
 c. 1685
Wikimedia Commons
This theory may seem like it's pretty far out there, but actually, there is evidence of human products being used for medicinal purposes from the Renaissance through the 18th century, especially among royals and elite members of society. King Charles II of England was reportedly a big fan. Called "corpse medicine," people would take elixirs containing human blood, ground bones and fat for healing all kinds of ailments. For this reason, graverobbing was common.³

Blood was especially thought to give strength to whoever drank it. Fair warning, this is gross, but apparently people would go to executions to collect blood. They would either mop up the blood that they could get from the ground, or sometimes the executioner would have an assistant to collect and sell the blood of whatever criminal they just beheaded. People were eager to get blood fresh from the body because it was said to retain more healing properties in that state.³ Yuck. That's enough of that.

Here is another fun fact. From what I can find, cannibalism is not technically illegal in the UK; one would be charged with another offense such as murder or disturbing the peace of the dead.⁴ Plus, since the queen enjoys sovereign immunity, even if she was eating people she would not be prosecuted for her crimes.

There is another small detail here that I have yet to mention. Elizabeth is said to have a taste for small children. Financial and event analyst Jim Willie has said he thinks the queen "is a child-killing Satanist."¹ He and others claim that several dozen school children disappear every time she visits Canada. Others have claimed to witness the queen kidnapping children from schools in England.¹ Would that really help her to stay youthful?
Queen Elizabeth II in 1959
© Library and Archives Canada

There is really only one issue with this theory, granted, it's a big one; there is no evidence for any of it. The missing children? I can't find a credible article that deals with any of these accusations. Going back to Hubert Humdinger, the man who started it all, there is no evidence of his life. There is evidence, however, that he was made up by a satire writer. But what about the smoking gun in this case, the serviceman who found the body parts in the freezer? This alleged serviceman remained anonymous and has never been named, which is a red flag in my book. Additionally, it appears that this story was made up by someone on the internet. The evidence, or lack thereof in this case, seems to speak for itself.

So, if Elizabeth isn't eating children to stay so vibrant and healthy, what's her secret? She is the queen, so she probably has no shortage of doctors at her disposal, as well as personal chefs and dieticians. While her position certainly brings stressors, being the queen is probably a fairly cushy job most of the time. With all the resources available to her, I doubt she would turn to medieval medicine to cure her headaches. But, if a rash of English children suddenly go missing, this case may require another look. Until then, I would bet that the queen is snacking on tea and biscuits, and nothing more.









¹ YouTube.com - Is the Queen of England a Cannibal? - Uncovered
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFPBijvBJFk 

² Dear Dirty America - Queen Elizabeth II Confirmed Cannibal 
http://deardirtyamerica.com/2012/06/queen-elizabeth-ii-confirmed-cannibal/

³ Smithsonian - The Gruesome History of Eating Corpses as Medicine
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-gruesome-history-of-eating-corpses-as-medicine-82360284/

The Guardian - Eating People is Wrong
https://www.theguardian.com/law/shortcuts/2015/dec/16/eating-people-is-wrong-but-is-it-against-the-law

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